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Monday, February 28, 2011

.... When you see my face....

J and I had an amazing weekend filled with friends and food. It's been the busiest weekend we have had in a very long time because of J's recovery. Today we are both feeling pretty tired and I have got a mean ear ache. Feeling quite bad for myself actually.

Tonight, as J was watching a very boring movie I found myself on twitter. I rarely ever creep it, I'll post the odd tweet and catch up on Ellen or any other celeb that pops up on my feed. Today an old coworker had retweeted something an old "fling" of mine had said. Not my last longish relationship but a brief one in between J and the last. Of course curiousity got the best of me and I had to check up on him. I haven't had any kind of contact with him since we ended things. That's not true I saw him in a bar once and we said hi but that's about it. Through creeping I quickly learned he had a blog. I obviously had to check that out as the name of it is quite intriguing. Four posts in I see a title that looks all to familiar. It's a song I used to goofily sing to him. My face goes instantly white and the butterflies in my tummy are crashing into one another. Here we go.

 It's not a long post thank god, because things hadn't ended so graciously between us. So after reading the first sentence I instantly know it's about me. It turns out the post wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. However he did say "I like her. She wasn’t the prettiest girl by any means. Don’t get me wrong, she was cute at first glance, however my unrealistic standards and constant urge for new conquests blinded me from being able to commit to anything that wasn’t on a magazine cover" Geez!!! lol You could have just said she was cute not necessarily hot per se. But this part made me smile "she taught me a few things about myself and how to treat others. For that I thank you. I hope one day you can forgive me and we can be friends again <3"

That's the fabulous thing about all relationships, no matter the intensity, depth or length of them you will always learn from them. We had a very short lived relationship as he was going through his "player phase" and had made some pretty big mistakes. But the interesting thing about that was I took a step back and saw myself in him. I was very selfish and thought I was invincible just like him. He didn't care about my feelings but rather who his next conquest was going to be. We had some heated arguments that followed and we both just gave up on one another. He is a fabulous person he just wasn't my person.

I started hanging out with J shortly after and was able to give him all of the things I wasn't able to give my past relationships/flings. Don't get me wrong, of course I have my slip ups as we all do but I do try my best. As soon as I feel my selfishness creep up I quickly try and look at the bigger picture. I am so grateful for every relationship in my life past and present.

Oh and if you do ever happen to randomly end up on my blog as I did yours...I thank you and forgive you , you vulgar bastard :) xo

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