Dear Sawyer (2 Months)

Dear Sawyer,

You went on a tropical February vacay to Manitoba. You were an absolute champ on the flight, not one peep. We went to go and celebrate your Nana's 50th Birthday and your Great-Grandpas 80th. It was so fun to introduce you to everyone but it was flipping freezing!! 

- you weigh 16lbs, such a big boy!

- you wear 3-6 & 6 month clothes

- you are the smiliest little babe, your smiles totally melt me.

- generally you are awake from 9 until noon and then nap all afternoon. Then you are awake in the evening until around 10:30. You wake up a couple of times in the night to feed but go right back down. 

- you started cooing and get really into your stories 

- you are a bashful, sweet little thing. Daddy will smile and look at you and you will smile and hide yourself in mamas arms.

- you don't spit up/violently puke that much anymore, which is nice!

- witching hour is finished, phewff

- you did your first giggle 

- you are super strong, your grip is deadly

- you are the most sensitive little guy. You cry at loud noises all of the time. It doesn't last long but you get really upset and make the saddest face in the world.

- you are not a sound sleeper and wake up from any little sound or Movement.

- I may be a wee bit biased but you are the sweetest and easiest baby, ever!

- you are still sharing a bed with us

^ Uhmm that grin, are you kidding me?!

Sawyers Birth Story Part 2

When the pitocin kicked in the bleeding started to slow down. I think what made me the most scared at that moment was the look of concern on the midwives faces. They looked pretty panicky which made me a wee bit nervous. Once relief started to sweep their faces I was able to relax, kind of. My poor vag was in need of some attention. So Jon took Sawyer and I got my good old vag sewed up. Sawyer was kind to me surprisingly, I don't know how granted he was so large. I think maybe it's because I let my body do most of the work where as with Willow I was marathon pushing. I took a very long time to recover from my first birth, with Sawyer I felt fine a couple of days later.

I was finally able to just relax and cuddle in bed with my brand new babe. Sawyer didn't want to nurse right away so I was okay with just cuddling and adoring. I told Jon to call my parents and tell them to come over so they all could meet the newest family member. I was so excited to see sweet Willows face when she met her bro for the very first time.

Fifteen minutes later Willow and my parents came barrelling in. Willows face was actually the cutest and it is something I will never forget. She had the biggest smile and was just in awe, such a proud loving sister from the get go. My family all piled on the bed and just gazed lovingly at our little Sawyer.

Cat asked if I wanted to try and shower. I was definitely in need, but I just didn't want to move. I finally built up the courage and dragged my exhausted body into the shower. It was in there that I almost fainted. I lasted about one minute in the shower and I felt like I was going to tumble down like a brick wall. Cat immediately rushed me out and my biggest concern at that moment was bleeding all over the bathroom floor. I clearly had just done that as I gave birth in there! In my exhausted state, I insisted on walking into the kitchen to take an iron pill. I figured that would be the cure all to all of the blood loss. Poor Cat had to deal with stubborn old me, at the beginning she tried to tell me that an iron pill was the least of our worries and I just needed to be in bed. She learnt fast to just give up because I am to strong willed. I was on a mission to get that pill and I forgot about the bleeding everywhere part. When I got back into bed I had no colour to my skin. Jon said I basically looked like death. Thankfully I had a sub waiting for me that I didn't get a chance to eat before. I chowed down so hard, a subway sandwich had never tasted so right.

My fave picture of Jon adoring Sawyer and Willow and I chowing down 

After a few more checks, some cleaning and paperwork the midwives left. Than mom, dad and Willow left. And there was Jon, the new babe and I...all by ourselves. So the one thing you forget about when you have a home birth is just all of the work the nurses do in postpartum. They check on you throughout the night, they check the babes vitals, they help you to the bathroom, they clean, and they are there for your general well being. The midwives are on call and they tell you to call them if you have any concern at all and they will rush right over. We didn't have any immediate concern, I was just ready to get a little shut eye. While I did that Jon went around the cabin to make sure there wasn't any blood left on the floor. The place looked like a murder scene before the midwives cleaned, it was horrifying. After a couple of hours I had to go to the bathroom. Jon helped me slide over to the edge of the bed to stand, and when I stood blood gushed EVERYWHERE again. Yes I was wearing one of those pads that resemble a diaper and yes I was holding an incontinence pad underneath me. I waddled as fast as I could to the bathroom and I bled so much that Jon was ready to call an ambulance. The poor guy was terrified which again made me terrified. I remember bleeding a heck of a lot with Willow but this was way too much. I told Jon to just get me back to bed and see how it was then. It slowed down a bit, I think it just was all pooled in there from my hemorrhaging earlier and it just all gushed out when I stood. So poor Jon was up allll night long cleaning my blood. I think that's the only thing we didn't like about the home birth is not having a nurse around to help you in the middle of the night.

Nine a.m (Christmas morning) rolled around pretty fast and Cat came over to check on us. She checked both Sawyer and I and all was good. My parents and Willow came a couple hours after that. Jon was cuddling Sawyer in the living room and I was in bed when they arrived. Mom and Willow went to go and give Sawyer some cuddles and kisses and my Dad came right to me. That's something I will never forget. He wanted to come and check on his baby girl and although I didn't say anything my heart was bursting with love and gratitude for my old pops. What a gem! He then told me I stunk, haha typical dad move. I spent the afternoon in bed with Sawyer, bonding and nursing. Mom, Dad and Willow went up to ski hill for Christmas dinner. So Jon and I had a gourmet feast of spaghetti in bed and Sawyer feasted on milk, perfection.

Thank You Sawyer for being the greatest Christmas gift, ever!! We love you so very much xoxoxo

Birth Story (part 1)

I had been having crazy Braxton Hicks contractions for weeks and I had gone into false labour the weekend before, so my body was more than ready to give birth. My uterus was primed right up to have this baby from all of the practice it had gotten and I was also downing raspberry leaf tea like a feen. On December 23rd I knew I was going to have this babe soon. My mom wanted us to the stay the night so we could celebrate Christmas the next morning as they were planning on going skiing on Christmas day. But I just wanted to stick around the cabin that night... just in case. I ended up getting about an hour sleep because my contractions kept on waking me and I was feeling pretty anxious. The contractions would be five minutes apart and then jump to being ten, so very irregular and very frustrating. On the 24th Mom, Dad & Willow came over to the cabin and we opened presents.

I was still contracting irregularly. Dad & Jon were on contraction timing duty and I would let them know the second I was feeling one and then they started predicting on when I was going to get one. They were making a game out of my pain ;p. We watched tv, we played cards and we just relaxed. At around 6pm my contractions had been every five minutes, lasting a minute long for the past hour and a bit and feeling pretty intense. Dad and Jon got my pool ready, mom was entertaining Willow and I was working through my contractions. I kicked my parents and Willow out of the cabin because unfortunately when I go into labor I go into my own little world and can't have any distractions. Jon called the midwife to let her know where I was at and she came 10 minutes later.

When she arrived she told me I was much too chipper and she wanted to come back when I wasn't so cheerful. She did a check and I was only 3cm dilated but my cervix was completely thinned out. She left to go and get changed ( the poor girl showed up in her party dress as it was Christmas Eve) and have a nap. She told us she would call the cabin at nine and see how I was doing at that point. She had said to call her before if I felt that one contraction that was different from the rest. I had asked her if I should go for a walk, bounce on my ball, and/or squat to make things progress. And she said do what you want but I would suggest watching a funny movie, relax and make out with Jon. I watched a little bit of Seinfeld but than that annoyed me, I turned on some tunes but they annoyed me and making out with Jon at that point was out of the question. Cat called to see how things were and I told her everything was fine and we would call her if anything had changed. I had just asked Jon to open the window so I could listen to the ocean and than boom I had THAT contraction. I felt him move his head and engage and my water broke a minute later. This was only five minutes after we had talked to Cat on the phone when everything was manageable. Jon called her and told her we needed her and the attending midwife, Emma asap. I hopped into the birthing pool to relieve some of the tension. The only thing is it wasn't filled up enough. I tried to enjoy the warmth as much as possible but I felt like I needed to push so badly. Jon & I were pretty worried the midwives wouldn't make it in time and I was trying my darndest to hold that baby in. For relief I was squeezing Jons arm really really tight and making the most obnoxious sounds. With Willow I internalized everything because I didn't want to be loud in the hospital, in my own space I let loose.

At one point Jon said "there are car lights, thank god. Not to worry they are here". Nope, not them. I replied very hastily "why Jon, No! That's not fucking them". I decided they were never going to arrive and Jon hoist me in he car and head to the hospital. Jon insisted they would be here soon even though the look of sheer terror and panic was all over his face.  They finally arrived ten minutes later which clearly felt like an hour. The first thing I said to Cat was " I am not chipper ANYMORE!!!!!!!!" They came rushing in and immediately started setting everything up.  They bring a lot of stuff with them, they basically have everything a hospital room would have all jammed in a bunch of duffel bags.

Cat didn't like the position I was in the pool. My vagina had to be completely immersed in the water or totally out for the baby to be able to breathe properly when born. She just told me to completely submerge myself when pushing or to lift my butt up. I decided I didn't want to have the worry and hopped out of the pool. Well not really hopped, more like breached (think whale) myself out. I thought at that moment it would be a good time to go to the bathroom. When you are fully dilated and ready to give birth, I highly advise against walking anywhere of you don't have to. It's pretty hard work. They tried telling me it was just my baby wanting to be born which was giving me the sensation to poop but me being stubborn me insisted on going to the toilet. When I got on the toilet I had the immediate sensation of relief and I started to push right away. Finally, so much of my pain diminished. To be honest pushing is my fave part, I feel like every sense is heightened and I am on some euphoric drug. Perhaps I am an adrenaline junkie and don't even know it :p. The midwives were telling me I didn't want to have this baby on the toilet and I could go anywhere else in the cabin but I really really didn't want to leave my throne. Cat insisted it wasn't safe for her to try and catch my baby in the toilet so I got up and crouched on Jon. And after gently pushing a couple of times, grunting and deep breaths out came Sawyer on the bathroom floor... at 10:20pm weighing a whopping 9lbs14ozs and 21inches long. Cat said when he came out he had his hand on his face, I was wondering why after the head came out he didn't come flying out of there. With willow I remember after the head the dr. popped her right out there. This little fella felt kind of stuck. It's because the crazy guy had his elbow sticking right out, hand on face. She tried to maneuver his arm as fast as possible and he grabbed her hand to help guide him out. Her first reaction was holy, he's huge, it's Frank the Tank! The little man gave her a cheezy little smile in his first second out of the birth canal. So while I had to push the placenta out we were making Old School references. After the placenta came out I hemorrhaged a bit. They got me onto the bed and gave me a shot of pitocin to make my uterus contract. I guess since Sawyer was so big my placenta was huge to feed such a big guy. So naturally the wound site of the placenta was quite large. 

I will continue part 2 tomorrow :) 

38/39/40/41 Weeks Pregnant

(I wrote this on Dec.23rd, the day before I    gave birth)

Well ladies and gentleman, boys and girls.... I am still pregnant. My intuition for pregnancy totally blows. I thought this babe was going to be an early one as I am so huge but no such luck! We arrived at our cabin at 37 1/2 ish weeks and everyone was telling me I was crazy for leaving town so late. I was pretty nervous myself as I wasn't prepared to give birth in the car on a mountain with no cell service. So I had a wee bit of anxiety until we arrived at our cabin where there are services.

When we first arrived I was so stoked and at ease. The cabin is a teeny tiny one bedroom, one bath and everything else is jammed into the main living area. It's very cozy and charming and being right on the water isn't so bad either. The first week I soaked up the salty air, took a lot of pictures, kept Willow super busy, it was perfect. My mom arrived the second week we were here and took over Willow duty. My mom is staying at a friends place who is out of town which has worked out really well! 

My due date which was Dec.15th-20th so my due "week" has come and gone. Daddio arrived on the 16th so I was happy the babe didn't come before then. But sheesh he has been here for over a week, you can come out anytime baby! 

I am slowly losing my mind. I had even said a couple of weeks back to my midwife that I felt sorry for women who go past their due dates and that waiting game must be so hard. Aw man, what a way to jinx myself haha. I think the waiting game wouldn't be so bad if I was at my own house, with a little more space to myself. 

I am not normally a negative Nancy but I am over being pregnant. I feel like my body was just not made for this big of a baby. My pelvis is so sore so walking very far is out of the question. And my skin honestly will not stretch anymore without ripping. I loaded on bio oil the other day and I broke out in hives all over my belly which has made me even more itchy. Sleep, what is that? My body won't allow me to rest as I have been having contractions for the past week that wake me and my bladder is also guilty for this as well. I know this will all be worth it in the end and those newborn snuggles will be just the best ever! 

Please baby come out soon before your momma goes crrrraaazzzyyy.

I am really hoping this will be my very last pregnancy picture!! 

35 & 36 Weeks Pregnant

Warning: whine sesh is about to go down!

I am starting to feel a little bit of anxiety with this birth. Only because of where we live. We don't get into our rental until Dec.1 and I would just like to be there already. Fortunately we live in a fabulous town filled with fabulous people but unfortunately it is at the edge of Earth and you must travel over a slippery mountain with no service for over an hour to get a hospital and 2.5 hours to my midwives. So just say this little guy wanted to make an early appearance the chance of having him in the car is higher than normal. Also my parents haven't booked their flight out here yet and I worry about Willow even if we are in  Comox. I don't want her to be at the birth.

On a good note, a friend gave me a box filled with newborn & 0-3 month clothes. So exciting! I washed them all up and they are ready to be filled with squishy cuteness.

Symptoms: this babe and my body are totally getting ready for the big day. I am larger than life and just walking is really hard on the old pelvis. I am having a lot of contractions and cramping that make me keel over. He is hugging my bladder more than ever. I have developed a full on waddle, I am still peeing my pants, and I groan when I sit down or stand up. Soooooo sexy! Ohh and my belly button popped, it never did with Willow and this little guy has stretched me out so bad that my belly is getting new stretch marks every day. 

I really want to continue with my long beach walks and hikes but I am honestly a little bit scared. When I was out walking with Willow and Jon the other day I had to lay down on the beach for a half bc I was getting really dizzy, nauseated and crampy. I wouldn't be as concerned if we were a wee but closer to my midwives.

Cravings: icy cold gingerale and peanut anything.

Movements: Big, strong movements all of the time. Not a lot of room for him to roll around anymore! So lots of hard jabs that shock me every time.

Sleep: naps are the BEST! Not sleeping at night all that well but boy oh boy do I love that Willow loves to nap!! We are pro nappers. 

Mood: happy! Obviously more irritable than norm but I am happy and can't wait to meet my other BFF! 

I am looking forward to my midwife appt this Friday! Maybe I will ask her to do a cervix check to ease my mind! Ohhh boy the time is getting near!!! 

My apologies for the cheese ball selfies. Someone teach me how to selfie, please!

35 Weeks 

36 weeks

30 weeks Pregnant

Ahhhh, 30 weeks feels like such a feat! The end is near and I will get to meet this wild little newborn so soon. Oooooh I cannot wait for those squishy cuddles.

We booked the cabin we will be staying in while waiting for our babe. A cute little place right on the ocean. We have to leave home before we have the babe bc we live too far from the closest hospital. And the mountain range we have to cross doesn't have any service.

Size: Baby weighs the same as a cabbage and is approximately 15inches long

Symptoms: I am getting some Braxton Hicks contractions  here and there. 

I thought your hair wasn't supposed to fall out when preg. Mine is coming out in handfuls. Eek, what's going to happen when I start breast feeding!? 

I pee my pants daily. 

Movements: I have one crazy mofo in this belly of mine. 

Mood: feeling good! Getting a bit tired again but otherwise, happy :) 

Maternity Clothes: I am going to have to pick up some more clothes this weekend. My shirts just aren't convering this swollen belly. I ripped a huge hole in the bum of my fave pants. Luckily I did it at home! 

29 Weeks

30 weeks

The problem with having a really tall husband is I look extra short and stumpy :p I blame it alllllll on him! 

26 Weeks

Size: baby is the length of a green onion. I am the size of a manatee. The pictures don't show my true size, I really am quite big in real life.

Symptoms: I have a bleeding nose most mornings. My back is pretty darn sore most days. Jon bought me a massage for Mother's Day that I haven't used and a facial for our Anni. I feel a spa day is in order in the near future! 

I am hot all of the time. Normally I have the opposite issue and am always frozen. 

Movement: this little guy is still a crazy ninja fool. So set times, mostly just all day and night. Not sure if he ever sleeps or if he is just super active when he is sleeping. Willow still hasn't felt any kicks but Jon has felt plenty. 

Maternity Clothes: duh! I have two pairs of jeans that I rotate all of the time. This hot hot heat we have been having has had me throwing on dresses as of late. 

Cravings: ice cream and bagels with cream cheese. 

Weight: I haven't looked at a scale yet, I am much to afraid! 

My face is a tad constipated bc Willow started running into the woods at that moment. But there he is buried in all that dress